hello me not dead!

I have returned from nanowrimo hell.

c and I are attempting to figure out just what the hell happened. today ava asked us what our shirt sizes were [awkward] and what color we liked more out of pink or blue [awkward]. if she is making us group shirts I am going to slit someone's throat.

over the month, ava stopped talking to c and me. it was GREAT. it was very nice, because we were actually free to talk about whatever we wanted and yeah. everyone else ignored us too. it was like sophomore year. I quite enjoyed the latter half of my sophomore year--no one except c talked to me. at all.

unfortunately a couple days ago shane called me so she could bitch about her problems. I just went "mmmhm" a lot and was basically on wikipedia the whole time.

I've been relegated to the role of tape machine.

I don't know if I ever posted about tape machining. it's another weird c&l-jargon term. we use it to mean, uh, when someone talks to you because they want to bitch and vent and expect you to say "that's not fair" and "that sucks" and "mmmhm".

well, it appears as though we're all growing farther apart. c surmises that by the beginning of next year ava will be pulling the suicidal card on us.

I may as well make this into a catchup of everyone, then. mary is all excited about things like ellen degeneres and world aids day, because that means gay!!!1!!1!11 lol!!1. and the last I heard emma is now going to Virtual High School. fabulous.

c wants me to add that last night ava pulled a massive derp. I have a long-standing history of writing rambly facebook notes. I decided to have a bit of fun and write out my middle school and high school years stylized like harry potter books. what I thought would concern everyone is that I got it out there that I was totally emotionally disturbed for a lot of freshman year and no one seemed to care. [I'm not getting all "OMG NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME GOING TO OFF MYSELF BRB", trust me.] does that concern ava at all? nope. she wants to know if I'm mad at her. OBVIOUSLY.

ego affronted

I think that'll be all. I need to go to bed.

edit:
oh god how could I forget. ava, c, and I all won nanowrimo. and ava did indeed turn it into a big derp about how she's better than everyone. she took an eight-day break smack in the middle... I can't even what is this

OH GOD

is it wednesday already?! I swear to god I meant to post on sunday. junior year, you eat my free time [as does preparing for nanowrimo].

anyway, life seems to be going pretty well. at mass last friday, it rained like hell. turns out we actually had to walk across the street for mass, and not just up the stairs to our badly lit gym. that went all right[ish]. it would have gone perfectly except that the communion hymn was the prayer of st. francis set to music. and the poor middle school child they had chosen to sing it... really could not sing, to say the least. the only logical explanation that I can think of as to why they chose him was that he had some kind of terminal illness and it was his lifelong dream to sing the prayer of st. francis to a large group of jaded high school girls. even the teachers were trying not to laugh.

emma is sure as hell ahead on the Missing Days Of School counter. I haven't seen her face for at least a week now. shane, on the other hand, has come in every.. single.. day. and is loudly making her presence known.

mary is acting more rrpofy and windup-doll-y than usual. meanwhile, britney has given up on trying to ingratiate herself into the gay table. I knew it wouldn't last long.

finally, everyone's favorite ava is on an every-other-day cycle of being mad at yours truly. and expecting me to know exactly why without her ever looking at me, much less talking. oh, and then she's always fine the next morning. I LOVE BITCHY DRAMAAAAAA.

psats are coming up! yaaaaay! the english department is all happy about this. the math department is doing nothing, as usual. "god love you on the math section," our lit teacher said today. it is quite true.

I quit my grocery store job. I have never been happier, not even when I went to see pearl jam. well, maybe pearl jam beats being free of drudgery. at least I have my library job.

today mrs. theology told us not to swear in the hallway or anyone who happened to be around her was getting a detention. somehow I think this was directed at me. and yet she still has no clue who I am.

we have another weird church service on friday. no idea what the hell their reasoning is this time. hopefully I can remember to update my sad lonely blog.

oooh, and speaking of my sad lonely blog--we had an assembly on how facebook is bad and cyberbullying is bad and myspace is bad and taking pictures of yourself is bad [child pronography, kids] and basically the internet is for shit! I love my school.

if it wasn't for your misfortune I'd be a heavenly person today

school starts on wednesday. I still have to read the jungle and write a "personal review" on it. I'm skimming it, I already know it sucks and I hate meat. oh well!

I've been discussing various matters with ava on facebook. she seems to have resolved her grudge against me by now [or at least she claims she has]. apparently Someone Did Something, and neither c nor I can figure out what the hell spawned this, but here. excerpts. and commentary.

ava: do you remember that tearful sleepover we had at my house? it's just... im afraid that it didn't do anything

sweet jesus, I'm thinking. what brought this on? and do we really need reminding?

I went to c and appropriately expressed my concerns that I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

c (10:12:25 PM): you don't have to tell her this, but you realize she probably could have learned a few things from that too
c (10:12:31 PM): like to not do what she's doing right now?

right c, right! didn't we actually tell her back then that WHAT SHE'S DOING IS BAD AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED?

and yet it continued.

ava: yeah but we aren't having the eventful five-way phone convos we used to have
me: every one of those from this summer has been because [shane] was planning something
ava: or the laughs that broke out with each other, or the obvious love between everybody at the table

sweet christ, I think I might be an evil person for wanting to shoot myself through this. I asked her about this "obvious love" and she elaborated nicely.

ava: was there love there? or was that the high school social bug that stung us all
me: uh... what? what are you even talking about, I don't get it. are you asdking about freshman year or sophoomore year?
ava: freshmen, the first three months were amazing

OH MY GOD, I thought here. SHE'S REPEATING EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID AT THE SLEEPOVER.

me: well, in freshman year we didn't even really know each other that well... not at the beginnign at least
ava: now we do and we all secretly hate each other

well fucking played.

the conversation then took a non sequitur path and we discussed why I so despise the rrpof, and then she did another non sequitur and said that c was awesome. then she came out with this gem:

ava: but im also worried about [mary]
me: [mary] is scarily obesssed wth [shane], yes. that is cause for alarm.
ava: she's in love with her, there's a difference

OH MY GOD, SHE'S SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. PLEASE CUT THIS CRAP.

the crap was eventually cut and the conversation turned to why ava wishes I was her closest friend. aw. in trying to do so she backhandedly insulted me. it was great. it eventually escalated into "I CAN'T MOVE ON!!!" in those exact words. I am so thrilled. she told c that she was "working it out, epic chick flick moment", but nothing was really happening over on my end. then ava and I made a Pact.

ava: i will try to be less angry and talk to you more
ava: but you have to stop blocking me out and know that i am here for you
ava: yes i know you are working on it
me: okay. thank you. that will work.
ava: but that is my demands, do you have any demands?

I thought about this and told her nicely to stop jumping someone else's train, namely mine. that segued into "but I really do like depeche mode, I find myself CRAVING it!" after that I gave up, which she took as a sign it was okay to send me more jesus metal shit.

---

C (10:59:38 PM): oh god. I will grant you that the people are... interesting, to use an [ava] phrase, but please don't start the "I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE" crap
L (11:00:23 PM): hahaha. trust me I won't. I do love [the academy]. it's the Interesting People that make me not want, that is all.
C (11:00:55 PM): hah. it is ok.
L (11:01:02 PM): which is why the blog is good, I guess. just so long as no one finds it
C (11:01:09 PM): yes. it is good.
L (11:01:38 PM): "heheheeeey, today my friends sucked. also now my blog can give you a seizure if you move your mouse too fast! I love life."

The urge to smile when your getting introuble.

please excuse the horrid spelling and grammar on that title. I did not write it. I shall explain.

since I've been so, ahem, doting on ava for the past few posts I thought it would be nice if I gave mary a chance to show off how contradictory and wtf-worthy she can be.

mary's hobby seems to be going on facebook and liking every single page that appears in her news feed. some of them are highly passive-aggressive towards shane, too, which are very funny, and some of them describe things she doesn't even do.

you'll see. I just went to her facebook page and holy god literally the whole thing is likes.

the farther you go back, the more links are broken. I've chosen some classy selections from the past week or so. I'll link to whatever I can, but I can't make any promises.

yelling RAPE when your friend attacks you
mary never once have I seen you do that.

Some days i really like you, some days i wanna push you in front of a bus.
this was definitely for shane

You're such a boring texter that I can predict what you're going to say next.
...I can't even

If two people are happy together, then leave them to it. It's THEIR lives.
oh. my. god.

If I had sex as often as I got screwed I'd be very happy! :D
I think I'm running out of wittiness.

B e s t f r i e n d s has 11 letters and so do b a c k s t a b b e r so which u gonna be?
I just love this one. count the grammar mistakes and all-around failures.

Facebook needs a "fuck you" button
like you'd ever press it?

I want an honest relationship. No secrets. No lies. No cheating. :)
this must be for shane too

Some days I really like you ♥ some days I wanna push you in front of a bus.
wait, wait, didn't I juuuust see this somewhere? oh right.

"are you mad," "no," "ok ur deffinatly mad"
know who needs this one? ava.

Every women deserves a man who looks at her every day like it's the first time he saw her
every women

if you like her, JUST TELL HER
shanetastic. mary, you are so passive-aggressive. wait, is everyone at this table a champion passive-aggressive insulter? well, shit, there's my problem!

Im a girl but I rather hang out with boys because it is less drama!!!!
is that why you're going to an all-girls school

i saw you, i wanted you, i liked you, i got you, i have you, i love you.
stop kidding yourself, mary.

i trusted you, my fault
it just occurred to me how strange it is that she never expresses any kind of strong feeling of resentment outside of all these pages.

Only for YOU, would I drop everything to answer a text.
say it with me everyone... shane

I'll marry you someday. I guarantee it :)
when I figure out who this is about.. oh right, I already know

YES my status was about you, and YES you were ment 2 see it..
this would be great if she posted statuses beyond things like "Is watching the runaways!!!! :D"

I hate it when i wanna listen to music but i cant find a song to satisfy my need
that would be because you listen to lady gaga and not too much else

press like....... if your bored right now :/
hey I have a song for this! NEW... TOWN!

Wait..WHAT! you liked me? : Why didn't you tell me.. i liked you to!
jesus I'm getting tired of the shane ones

When I Miss you, I re-read our old conversations and smile. :')
the sad thing is she admits she does this. she has told us all that she does. drama is fun.

sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter...
YOU'RE SIXTEEN YEARS OLD oh my GOD

I helped you through the hardest times, and now i'm nothing to you?
I'm not even going to bother.

finally, she liked these two within a couple days or so. they are fantastic. sadly, both the links are broken, but trust me that I could NOT make this kind of shit up.

l i k e t h i s i f y o u r s i n q l e . :)

"q'' is NOT the same thing as "g"

are you effin' kidding me?

bigmouth strikes again

well. ava has heard "everything counts". fantastic. her words on it:

it's different

i can understand why you guys think it's mind-blowing

but it doesn't go under my "OMFG!!! HEADKILLING SPAZZ!!!" category

there you have it. it's different. a short list of things she has said are "different": sleater-kinney, social distortion, silverchair. [sorry about all the ss. they were the best examples I could think of.] so basically when the singer's voice isn't PERFECT by her standards it goes into the "different" category and is shunned and shamed in the future. and by her standards, perfect means sweet and/or auto-tuned [for a girl] or HGRRRRR-y like nirvana [for a guy]. I don't know why we even fucking try anymore.

okay. I just needed to rant there. one of my family friends once told me "mode people are very serious about their mode". she is correct. [though, unlike others, I do think calling them day-pesh commode is pretty funny.] I actually have to call said family friend soon so I'll make this next bit as short as possible.

at my job today someone bought three bags of leafy green shit and ten entire frozen chickens. when he got to the end of the register he looked at me and said "don't ask". right, um, wasn't planning on it.

that god-awful "fireflies" song came on today and I could perfectly hear it. I would have been really mad at my misfortune had a lady not told me about ten seconds later that the toilet paper I was holding could "get laid right there". then I had to try not to laugh. people are great.

facebook mail I adore you

today's post is about the wondrous invention that is facebook mail! some of my facebook friends have viruses, so I've particularly enjoyed these messages I'm getting with subjects like "Promiser me tthat you wiill nver get caughtg againn." and "Hewy! Are you reallyy in tis videwo?" [those are copy/pasted.] but that's beside the point, really.

the point is that I have some legitimate ava quotes today. I've been talking to her, somewhat, via facebook mail. this... I think our conversation here says it all. I'm copy/pasting the dates, too. uh, my facebook is in leetspeak, so...

ava; 4ugu57 13 @ 8:13pm
Check this out. See if you pass it!!!

me; 4ugu57 17 @ 6:18pm
hahaha oh man I got 2... I fail.

ava; 4ugu57 17 @ 8:20pm
That's surprising.

me; 4ugu57 17 @ 9:00pm
I'm blaming it on the fact that a lot of the questions were from soundtracks

ava; 4ugu57 17 @ 10:57pm
*snort* Okay. Whatever floats your boat.

ava; 4ugu57 18 @ 5:34pm
I'm just kidding.

me; 4ugu57 18 @ 5:38pm
hahah, I thought you were. trust me, I did not take offense. [I rarely do.]


I.. have no idea why she freaked out and thought that since I hadn't responded in the last 14 hours I was definitely soooo not speaking to her. I don't know what goes on in her mind at times like this.

still no word on if she's heard "everything counts" or not. jesus, I'm getting anxious. I want to know if she plans to condemn it for its lack of owl city-ness or decide it's her OMG NEW FAVORITE THING EVER and put it on a playlist next to beyonce.

updates on the demode front

1. apparently ava did not remember any of the name, let alone how to spell depeche. she is doing some asking-around-facebook for the song. good fucking luck.

2. I told my dad about the owl city comparison. his response was "yes, they're just like owl city! ONLY GOOD." he then proceeded to sing "personal jesus". I love my dad.

3. I bribed C into doing this post. this whole thing took place from about 9 to about midnight... that should tell you everything


hair chorus derp

update:
4. allegedly c sent the song to ava and ava has done nothing. c surmises she won't even listen to it. well, this solves my problems...

community service #2 + drama update

today c and I, along with a sophomore I've never before talked to, were assigned to help the nun who teaches art move shit around. I SWEAR TO GOD THAT'S ALL WE EVER DO. she apparently still remembers my unfortunate mishap during volunteer week last year, when I sorta flooded her kitchen a little bit. jesus, I didn't even remember that.

our first task: "this box of embroidery thread is out of order. let's put it in order. NO, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG."

"are we supposed to put the individual packets in order?"

"NO."

"oh, then do we move the drawers?"

"NO. we're moving the shelves."

in the end they were in "order". nobody understood the system, really. except the nun.

task #2: planting plants. nobody screwed this up, actually. not in a huge way, anyway.

task #3: JEWELRY. I will fully admit to not having any idea what the hell was going on with the jewelry, but it involved pins. lots and lots of pins.

the nun then released us, and we were told to go up to the library. now, our school library is a massive piece of failure. it is in a gym. the shelves themselves take up like ten percent of the gym. the rest of it is wide open space. and couches. then the library is about 65% outdated nonfiction, 30% pvg-y or required-reading fiction, and 5% encyclopedias. as a result, not many people end up actually in the shelves and instead spend their time with the many couches. C and I spend a lot of time in the actual library bit, so we know our way around it. being paranoid, we set out checking to make sure none of the excellently outdated books we so love [like UFOS are Serious Business! and Nuclear War: What's In It For You?] hadn't been stolen or pulled or anything.

and then I decided to get a bit creative and long story short we got locked in a fucking stairwell that, judging from the musty smell, hadn't been opened in years. I was so thrilled when the one unlocked door [besides the one that DEFINITELY led to some kind of Place To Hide The Bodies] turned out to not be an emergency exit.

I don't remember a ton from today. I shelved books for two and a half hours at my library-job. that was exciting. I also ran into this napoleon-dynamite-esque guy who stalked me in 8th grade. that was pretty freaking creepy.

edit:

me: "I saw ____ at the library today."

my mom: "how is he?"

me: "uh, good. he showed me pictures of his friends and then he took my picture. that was weird."

my dad [utilizing a jon heder voice]: "'this is a Lissa... it's probably my favorite animal'"

another edit:

from my good friend wikiquote.

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

-----

oh, but I did promise a drama update.

remember ava's epic idea [all her ideas are "epic"] about the surprise-mary-party? yeah, it's still on, but now we're going to a freaking amusement park as well. and every time I say something in the thread, she's like, "FINE. JUST GET THERE." in a way that implies she's envisioning stabbing me in the face. she does not do this to anyone else. though I will give her credit: her last facebook status was "is a little depressed", which, in her terms, means "will dismember you if you look at her".

no word on the drinky-drinky party. these people suck at planning.

hey mtv, I'm a vapid bitch who isn't pregnant! can I still have a show?

this post is probably going to be a hefty little fucker.

last year, c and I had two different theology teachers. in the event one of them returns to torment us again, the one I had is Mrs. Babiez after her love for babies and hatred for everything that is not babies, and the one C had is the overlord of the cohh. I think she deserves the title Mrs. Theology.

Mrs. Theology has a nasty habit of telling people about her sex life and how jesus approves of this and that the church WANTS you to have sex. but she does it in a terrible way, really. she's like the stereotype of antifeminist.

Mrs. Theology also told them about how she loved the horror show that is mtv's 16 and pregnant. any sane person can see that this show is made of crap, but we are not talking about sane people here. I think she was trying to subtly hint to the cohh that, once again, their purpose in life is BABIES AND MORE BABIES, while still trying to appeal to the pvg market in that class.

so shortly before midnight last night I decided I was going to go see the facebook page for this fucker. at first all I noticed was that the whole affair reminded me of the pregnant-teenager-PSA from jhonen vasquez's JTHM, because my mind is fucked up and it was late.
edit: I will describe said PSA. it's a short comic strip about a girl named sarah who drops out of high school to raise a baby and ends up eating the baby because she has no money for food. this should clear things up, and steer weak people away from jhonen...

then I sent it to c. and we started reading the posts. what sick fun. especially considering how late it was. from aim:

L (12:17:57 AM): bonus points for the words "lingering pain"
C (12:18:04 AM): oh god
L (12:18:06 AM): I sadistically loled at your lingering pain.
C (12:19:01 AM): this makes me want to puke
L (12:19:09 AM): it should.

c points out what's wrong with this picture:

C (12:19:57 AM): but yeah. it's... seriously the whole page is about teenagers. having babies.
C (12:20:15 AM): and how amazing that is to watch.
L (12:20:17 AM): the best part of that is it's over multiple seasons! HOW THE HELL DO YOU ATTAIN MULTIPLE SEASONS OF THIS SHIT
C (12:20:19 AM): and their boyfriends.
L (12:20:28 AM): yes.
L (12:20:32 AM): and it suuuuuuuuuuucks.
C (12:20:36 AM): because having a baby totally does not hamper their love lives. you can still have multiple boyfriends a year with a baby, girlies!

then we picked some nice quotes from the statuses and answered their stupid rhetorical questions and comments.

See which 16 & Pregnant mom already had their baby's names picked out!

HAHA WHAT. that's terrible. it's like they prepare themselves for this shit

Did Nicole and Tyler move Brooklyn around too much?

stupid name, stupid question, and YES, YOU DID, NOW THE FUCKER WILL GET EPILEPSY AND DIE

The Season 2 Finale & Reunion show are tonight!?! Any predictions?

I PREDICT THERE WILL BE BABIES

Nicole's slumber party is unexpectedly cut short when labor pains strike.

WHAT IN THE HELL

Do you understand Cory's reluctance to visit Aiden? Or do you think he's wasting valuable time watching his son grow up?

uhhhh
these morals are so questionable

She's 16, pregnant & heartbroken. Can Lizzie forgive her baby's father for cheating?

NO. SHE CAN FORGIVE NOTHING AND SOON THERE WILL BE ANTHRAX ON HIS PILLOW
I get kind of violent at 1 in the morning

Is it really that hard to walk away from a toxic relationship? What would you do if you were in Chelsea's shoes?

KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER
this being C's contribution


they also do this rhetorical stupid-ass question after every episode:

What did you think of Nicole's story?

IT SUCKED

Chelsea's caught up with her social life and fighting with boyfriend, Adam. She thinks things will get better after giving birth, but instead learns she can choose her daughter above everything.

both of us were stunned at this one. finally C produced a response which I still find funny.

C (12:43:34 AM): oh no! drama! baby will make it better lol derp
C (12:43:43 AM): and guess what? baby does make it better! yaaaaaaaay

Samantha's good girl image fades when she discovers she's pregnant-- and so is her mother.

OH NO AN EPIDEMIC IS GOING AROUND

Chelsea's boyfriend Adam barely helps with their newborn baby.

KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER

Samantha endures painful back labor in tonight's '16 & Pregnant'.

C (12:44:59 AM): back.. labor?
L (12:45:01 AM): CONGRATUALTIONS SAMANTHA YOU DESERVE A PRIZE
C (12:45:03 AM): uh... anatomy fail

Do you believe in abortion?

NO, IT DOESN'T EXIST. I DO BELIEVE IN JESUS. I DO! I DO!

Did Farrah let her mother down by becoming a G.I.L.F?

............................................what

Didn't Get A Chance To Witness Amber's Transformation From a Rebel to a Mother?

C (12:51:55 AM): because coexisting is impossible.
C (12:51:57 AM): baby makes you good.

OMG!! The Baby Won't Let Her Sleep!!...

this is the first time they EVER acknowledge that babies are a fucking lot of work. the rest is seriously about their fucking boyfriends and their awesome lives as lolderp teenagers with babiez.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE SEASON 2 PREMIERE ON FEB 16th?!?

L (12:55:04 AM): NO WAIT WAIT I NEED MY SUNGLASSES FOR THIS
C (12:55:06 AM): no. I will never be ready

after that it kind of degenerated into "go die" as a response to everything. but yeah, so... hypothesis: this show is stupid. conclusion: this show sucks and I hope to see it face down in a quagmire...

the cohh rises up once again

two posts in one day! just because of this thing I have been noticing.

I've been watching the massive collective that is the cohh on facebook. their statuses are great. it's "I love jesus" and "I need a boyfriend or I'll have to become a nun :/" all in one breath.

not posting any legitimate examples. I don't want to be found by association. sorry.

oh boy!!!

I just checked ava's facebook message regarding the surprise party for mary. she invited the two ex-members of the group. they both have a massive grudge against shane, and I'm pretty sure one of them hasn't even talked to mary in the last year and a half.

holy fuck this is such a bad idea.