Showing posts with label transgression???. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transgression???. Show all posts

2.12.10

hello me not dead!

I have returned from nanowrimo hell.

c and I are attempting to figure out just what the hell happened. today ava asked us what our shirt sizes were [awkward] and what color we liked more out of pink or blue [awkward]. if she is making us group shirts I am going to slit someone's throat.

over the month, ava stopped talking to c and me. it was GREAT. it was very nice, because we were actually free to talk about whatever we wanted and yeah. everyone else ignored us too. it was like sophomore year. I quite enjoyed the latter half of my sophomore year--no one except c talked to me. at all.

unfortunately a couple days ago shane called me so she could bitch about her problems. I just went "mmmhm" a lot and was basically on wikipedia the whole time.

I've been relegated to the role of tape machine.

I don't know if I ever posted about tape machining. it's another weird c&l-jargon term. we use it to mean, uh, when someone talks to you because they want to bitch and vent and expect you to say "that's not fair" and "that sucks" and "mmmhm".

well, it appears as though we're all growing farther apart. c surmises that by the beginning of next year ava will be pulling the suicidal card on us.

I may as well make this into a catchup of everyone, then. mary is all excited about things like ellen degeneres and world aids day, because that means gay!!!1!!1!11 lol!!1. and the last I heard emma is now going to Virtual High School. fabulous.

c wants me to add that last night ava pulled a massive derp. I have a long-standing history of writing rambly facebook notes. I decided to have a bit of fun and write out my middle school and high school years stylized like harry potter books. what I thought would concern everyone is that I got it out there that I was totally emotionally disturbed for a lot of freshman year and no one seemed to care. [I'm not getting all "OMG NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME GOING TO OFF MYSELF BRB", trust me.] does that concern ava at all? nope. she wants to know if I'm mad at her. OBVIOUSLY.

ego affronted

I think that'll be all. I need to go to bed.

edit:

oh god how could I forget. ava, c, and I all won nanowrimo. and ava did indeed turn it into a big derp about how she's better than everyone. she took an eight-day break smack in the middle... I can't even what is this

11.9.10

hellhole crap and superdrama

can you guess what the topic of today's post is going to be? if you guessed ava the drama machine, you, sir, are correct. she is at it again. I sometimes wonder if she ever sleeps or if she just stays up and thinks of all the different ways to ask people if they're mad at her and then blow up at them.

the night before school started she sent me a ten-minute-long trance song, with no warning, without telling me what it was other than "look!!! song I sent you!!!" I don't even.

this progressed into how she's "TRYING!!!!" to not be oversensitive and uber-emotional. and then it was back to her favorite topic ever: how college will solve all her problems.

ava: but anyway, it's just they are getting frustrated with how i can be wicked oversensitive and emotional. i really am trying but apparently not good enough for them
me: they're your family. again. somehow I don't thnik anything we do wiill ever be good enough for our families, becase we have to live with them.
ava: sigh. i love them, i really do. but i cant wait for college. just SO annoying
me: what is, just.. everything?
ava: family
me: yeah.. well, yeah, when you live with someone of course you'll be mad at them every once in a while. because there's no way to get away from them.

this did not placate her. she kept on going with "I HATE MY LIFE, COLLEGE WILL MAKE IT BETTER!", which we in the real world refer to "'I can't wait to get out of this hellhole' crap".

it. got. better.

ava: yeah... this is why i am nervous to get married. because my kids will annoy me a lot, and my husband will annoy me a lot and i will find myself wishing i can move back to college
me: I thought you said you wanted to fall in love.... and yes, you think your mother doesn't get annoyed at you and your sister and your dad?*
ava: huh> i do want to fall in love but i also want to be happy
me: shoudln't falling in love make you happy? getting married won't automatically make you happy*
ava: yeah falling in love with the wrong person can make you miserable

*notice how she totally brushes these things off.

C (10:04:05 PM): oh my god
C (10:04:12 PM): cheap teenage melodrama, m1k3y.
L (10:04:31 PM): yes. cheap teenage melodrama, comrade.
C (10:04:33 PM): I can't wait to get out of home, so my family will stop nagging me all the time, and take care of MYSELF. and pay for MYSELF. because that WON'T BE ANNOYING AT ALL.
C (10:05:00 PM): dude, if all you want is to be alone maybe you shouldn't get married?
C (10:05:13 PM): I like how she didn't respond to the thing about her mom

I do too, C. [have I ever mentioned how the C stands for comrade?] [ok it doesn't really.] but the thing is she does shit like this all the time.

yestersay she switched back over to aim, which is where c and I hang out all the time. because facebook chat sucks. it also meant that there was another epic ranting sharefest last night. typically when these happen I get slightly less violent toward her for a short period. not this time. she dithered on for ages about how she feels excluded from the newspaper EVEN THOUGH SHE IS TRYING TO RUN IT and then went on about how "the trio doesn't exist anymore" [the trio being hypothetically made up of her, c, and me] and how since she "thinks differently" we must hate her.

A (8:17:57 PM): It's not so much the newspaper, as more of the fact that in a trio there is supposed to be this bond
A (8:18:47 PM): and the bond i had with you guys was damaged and sometimes i wonder if it was ever really there
A (8:19:45 PM): and now there is this strong bond between you and C___ that i not only envy, but wish i had RIGHT NOW

this is what I mean. doozy #2:

A (8:28:39 PM): so the only reason my name isn't on the papers or anything is because we weren't speaking?
L (8:29:22 PM): at that point, yeah. I think if you had been involved with it when whoever it was got the idea then you'd be helping manage it now. I think.
A (8:30:22 PM): okay
A (8:30:22 PM): i see
A (8:30:37 PM): i hope you know that you guys will probably need more opinions beside just you two on how to manage it
L (8:30:57 PM): yes, yes we do
A (8:31:05 PM): you both think alike and i think separetly from you two

oh I get it now--besides just you two means I am going to run your shit whether you want me to or not.

once that debate was over, AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH--she had to pull out the stage manager thing again.

A (9:43:03 PM): lissa
A (9:43:06 PM): i have one question
L (9:43:15 PM): yeah?
L (9:43:17 PM): okay
A (9:43:22 PM): i know i've already asked you this
L (9:43:32 PM): I am not mad at you

[all of freshman year and a good while into sophomore year she would randomly bust out an "ARE YOU MAD AT ME???" and then I'd have to be like "no ava I'm not mad at you what the hell I'm just sitting here" and she'd be like "OH GOD YOU'RE MAD AT ME WHY." I'm very glad someone convinced her to stop that bending.]

A (9:43:33 PM): but you know how you are going to be stage manager this year?
A (9:43:46 PM): well...
A (9:43:57 PM): im wondering if senior year if i could possibly... you know...
A (9:44:00 PM): try it..
A (9:44:01 PM): .
L (9:44:25 PM): ok. uh, why do you want to exactly?
A (9:44:37 PM): here we go
A (9:45:20 PM): because i want the experience and because ive wanted to ever since freshmen year and because i want to have the responsibility and i want to be on stage
A (9:45:52 PM): and i don't want to do sound and i think it would be fun and i just want to
A (9:45:53 PM): okay?
A (9:46:02 PM): and i am not doing it to make your life miserable
L (9:46:27 PM): ok. those are valid reasons. I really, REALLY want senior year though. like you cannot even comprehend how much.
A (9:46:40 PM): *sigh*
A (9:46:52 PM): but i don't want junior year because the class is intimidating
A (9:46:57 PM): senior class, i mean
L (9:47:04 PM): BECAUSE THE CLASS IS INTIMIDATING???
L (9:47:11 PM): wtf kind of a reason is that! [I'm hyper]
L (9:47:35 PM): OH. senior clas. ok.
A (9:47:37 PM): i don't want [name of highly bitchy senior] turning on me because i wasn't fast enough to give the fucking line
L (9:48:00 PM): the senior class is not intimidating.. dude.. all you do is yell at them and they lusten and if they don't you kill them
A (9:48:16 PM): i like that

[you would]

L (9:48:16 PM): and well neither do I. that's something you have to deal with if you're in that position.
A (9:49:02 PM): *sigh*
A (9:49:11 PM): some time while I am at [the academy], I would like to try it
L (9:49:29 PM): it';s like being president.
L (9:49:37 PM): I will do an analogy. it's like being president.
A (9:49:58 PM): (if you were president, the world would die)
A (9:50:01 PM): (no offense)
L (9:50:33 PM): you think "wow, I want to be president! it's such an esteemed position!" but the truth is that it's a lot of work and a lot of pressure and you get no recognition for anything good you do and all anyone ever does its pay attention to the bad shit and everyone fucking hates yo and doesn't invite you to the cast party and you end up puking at ihop at one in the morning.

[TOTAL TRUTH. after last year's play c and I really did go to ihop from eleven until one in the morning and I ended up puking because I was stupid and ordered milk even though I'm lactose intolerant. also, we split a plate of pancakes which we put all four flavors of syrup on. it was awesome, you should try it.]

L (9:50:45 PM): if you think you can handle that go right afuckinghead.
A (9:51:03 PM): you and c___...
A (9:51:14 PM): you also don't want to give up the position
L (9:51:22 PM): ...whaaat?
L (9:51:46 PM): no. I'm saying. it's a lot of pressure. if you don't think you would snap, you can have junior year. I'll take over for AB or something.

[AB graduated from the academy when I was a freshman. we did annie that year and she was miss hannigan. it was amazing. the part totally fit her. she still comes back to help with our plays.]

A (9:51:59 PM): what about ab?
L (9:52:13 PM): she gives cues backstage
A (9:52:45 PM): or we could be co-SMs
A (9:53:36 PM): okay
A (9:53:38 PM): stupid idea
L (9:53:43 PM): oh nooo, I think you should get a lovely taste of what it's liek to have Full Responsibility. because it is a lot of fun once you get past the fact that everyone hates you. co-sm would not do that. like.. you wouldn't get the experience you want, I;m saying, if that makes sense

[look how I'm being bitchy and then trying to cover my bitchtracks]

A (9:54:21 PM): lissa, seriously
A (9:54:22 PM): i wouldn't mind
L (9:54:39 PM): ok! do whatever you want.

[in my head this was "husker du whatever you want I don't care"]

A (9:55:04 PM): *sigh*
A (9:55:09 PM): only if it is okay with you

finally I got her to shut up and she started talking about how we shouldn't argue because it's friday and then proceeded to ignore me for an hour and a half. but oh, you can bet this will fucking return. it'll be back for sure. and when that happens, I will bring out the big guns. but that's a story for another day.


bonus C & L im of the day

C (8:59:26 PM): what the shit
C (8:59:36 PM): how did she ever, ever, ever get into infected mushroom?
L (8:59:45 PM): I DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS THIS
C (8:59:50 PM): if this was on the vampire diaries I will eat martin "hat" gore's hat

10.9.10

new, improved, and no longer defunct!

...the academy's horrendous grocery-store-sale-flyer-resembling school newspaper, that is. way back in may or so, c and I came up with a plan to restart it--we'd been on the staff in freshman year and then the whole thing fell apart. our faculty adviser [whom c tells me we should call ms. butler] approved highly, and so the plan was set into motion. fast forward to yesterday.

[note: this was during our half-hour break in between periods 3 and 5. it is not lunch. lunch is in between 6 and 7. it sounds like a scheduling derp but it's actually quite awesome.]

A Conversation Straight From The Gay Table

me: "sorry we're late..."

ava: "WHERE WERE YOU GUYS?"
[she was really mad we missed being in the cafeteria for fourth period yesterday. ok, can I help it if I needed to "decorate" my locker and c takes approximately a year to pack up for any given class? but I promised ava that c and I would be in the caf. I kind of forgot we needed to talk to ms. butler. and yes, ava was literally yelling.]

c: "sorry, we had to go see ms. butler."

ava: "WHO'S MS. BUTLER?"

me: "exactly..."
[ms. butler doesn't actually teach anything. she sits in an office all day and does... something for the school. I don't know what.]

c: we're starting up the newspaper again.

ava: you guys have a newspaper? [slightly glares] what's it called, music weekly?
[OH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE YOU ARE BACK]

we made an effort to explain that it was the school newspaper and would not involve any musical selections circa 1989 if we could help it. she brightened at this, then asked if she could help, "unless you guys DON'T WANT ME TO [/gloom]". this is where we made the mistake of being all "oh sure you can help!!"

she then promptly decided she was going to TAKE THE FUCK OVER.

ava: "can I write? well, I don't want to write. I want to write whatever I want and can I also read people's articles like to see if they flooow?"

c: "ava, that's what an editor does."

I would have let her have the editor position. I really would. except I have a clear, fulfillable ambition for what I want to do when I grow up, unlike the fucking gay table. I really, really want to be an editor. and I have a talent for it, I KNOW this. know what else this ties into? the academy's drama club. I know that sounds like a tangent, but bear with me here. I love working on stage crew. I have stage manager power, and I'm pretty damn good at not freaking out too much. ava has also been on stage crew at the academy. she's been specially trained to do the lighting, while I'm Official Stage Manager. guess what position she wants? stage manager. why? because I have it. now, can you imagine her as a stage manager? "GUYS LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME! [screaming] FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! OH MY GOD FUCK YOU ALL, YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME, THIS IS TOO HARD! OH MY GOD, NO ONE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR ME, JEEEESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?"

now I'll draw it back to the point. I am the editor. she wants my position because she can't have it and she knows it. but hell if she doesn't try. from a note c wrote me in that same period:

if you want her to do anything just say you want to do it & she will.

I believe she would call this a "quirk". I also believe I would call it "obnoxious".

today was our club fair. in special school event terms it means the entire academy went to mass in our poorly-lit gym and then we all ate lunch on a grassy knoll [read: pavement, about ten square feet of dewy grass, and three picnic tables]. after that, it was time for a representative from each club to stand up and entice people to join by offering food. the newspaper will involve bribing people with food, but we didn't tell them that. also I think our announcement was a bit awkward [c, since you're the only one that reads this, I don't just mean your A/8 fuckup, I know I rambled too much and basically failed to express my point as desired], but, y'know, at least we taped up flyers.

the only thing is last night ava tried to micromanage the newspaper over facebook. oh christ. mind you, this was AFTER c and I spent two hours planning over the phone, and during that time we called her and offered her a position in advance. WHICH SHE DECLINED. and now she thinks she owns the paper. oh christ. spare me, will you? she gave both c and I the cold shoulder for most of the day, which failed to express anything.

except "christ, what an asshole".

21.8.10

bigmouth strikes again

well. ava has heard "everything counts". fantastic. her words on it:

it's different

i can understand why you guys think it's mind-blowing

but it doesn't go under my "OMFG!!! HEADKILLING SPAZZ!!!" category


there you have it. it's different. a short list of things she has said are "different": sleater-kinney, social distortion, silverchair. [sorry about all the ss. they were the best examples I could think of.] so basically when the singer's voice isn't PERFECT by her standards it goes into the "different" category and is shunned and shamed in the future. and by her standards, perfect means sweet and/or auto-tuned [for a girl] or HGRRRRR-y like nirvana [for a guy]. I don't know why we even fucking try anymore.

okay. I just needed to rant there. one of my family friends once told me "mode people are very serious about their mode". she is correct. [though, unlike others, I do think calling them day-pesh commode is pretty funny.] I actually have to call said family friend soon so I'll make this next bit as short as possible.

at my job today someone bought three bags of leafy green shit and ten entire frozen chickens. when he got to the end of the register he looked at me and said "don't ask". right, um, wasn't planning on it.

that god-awful "fireflies" song came on today and I could perfectly hear it. I would have been really mad at my misfortune had a lady not told me about ten seconds later that the toilet paper I was holding could "get laid right there". then I had to try not to laugh. people are great.

3.8.10

ASDFGHJKL; ANOTHER UPDATE.

C (10:15:09 PM): also, I have actually got word on the drinky-drinky party, as you put it
C (10:15:16 PM): it has been rescheduled to august 10th
L (10:15:20 PM): WTF
C (10:15:22 PM): so now you can show up too in case they forgot about you
L (10:15:43 PM): oh, yaaaaaay!

YOU PEOPLE ALL SUCK.

23.7.10

non-alcoholic alcoholism

I'm on the phone with shane as I'm typing this

she's planning a sleepover revolving around virgin versions of alcoholic drinks. what. this would only fly at the gay table I swear to god.

she also just said "I was watching sex & the city, which is a surprisingly good show."

what

I don't understand