I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.
I have been editing this bitch of a newspaper. most of the articles are in. most of them have stunning grammar and spelling, such as "Wouldn't you want to start you fridays off good!" and "Math Leets" [I stared at this for about five minutes thinking "mathletes? MATHLETES? oh god, how did these people pass freshman english?"]
I said "most of the articles". emma and ava are still going with their feud. did I mention ava wants the story to end as a "psychological thriller", while emma wants "peace and understanding"? [those were verbatim.] this is a catholic school, mind you. I'd love to see how that one turns out.
but all this gorgeousness was overshadowed by a Special School Event, the very first of the year [and probably the biggest of the year]. yes. my school makes a bigger holiday out of united nations day than halloween, christmas, and the feast day of st. therese combined. we all get assigned a country. then the countries beat the shit out of each other.
my homeroom got barbados. why? because "the flag is pretty". c's got russia, because greenland wasn't a viable option.
turns out rihanna is from barbados. I got to hear more rihanna today than I have in the last five years. THE SAMPLING, OH MY GOD. I may or may not have heard republica [not sure] and soft cell [definitely] being butchered. I had my nail polish stolen and then returned to me by three different people.
then we went into the badly lit gym and all the countries beat the shit out of each other with bouncy balls. the main point of this part of the day was to spend an hour screaming at the top of your lungs and being deafened by the sounds of 200 other screaming girls. cymbals were suggestively hit. drums were suggestively beat. I heard the word "SENIORS" screamed so many times that my ears bled. [same goes for "JUNIORS" and "FRESHMEN" and "SOPHOMORES".]
okay, so maybe I have no school spirit. but holy hell, I've been going here for three years and THIS IS STILL REALLY WEIRD. as one of the soviet russians in c's homeroom remarked, "it wasn't as fun this year as it was in freshman year... FRESHMAN YEAR WAS AWESOME, WE HAD EGGS."
I better get back to editing now.
Showing posts with label special school events suck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label special school events suck. Show all posts
10.9.10
new, improved, and no longer defunct!
...the academy's horrendous grocery-store-sale-flyer-resembling school newspaper, that is. way back in may or so, c and I came up with a plan to restart it--we'd been on the staff in freshman year and then the whole thing fell apart. our faculty adviser [whom c tells me we should call ms. butler] approved highly, and so the plan was set into motion. fast forward to yesterday.
[note: this was during our half-hour break in between periods 3 and 5. it is not lunch. lunch is in between 6 and 7. it sounds like a scheduling derp but it's actually quite awesome.]
A Conversation Straight From The Gay Table
me: "sorry we're late..."
ava: "WHERE WERE YOU GUYS?"
[she was really mad we missed being in the cafeteria for fourth period yesterday. ok, can I help it if I needed to "decorate" my locker and c takes approximately a year to pack up for any given class? but I promised ava that c and I would be in the caf. I kind of forgot we needed to talk to ms. butler. and yes, ava was literally yelling.]
c: "sorry, we had to go see ms. butler."
ava: "WHO'S MS. BUTLER?"
me: "exactly..."
[ms. butler doesn't actually teach anything. she sits in an office all day and does... something for the school. I don't know what.]
c: we're starting up the newspaper again.
ava: you guys have a newspaper? [slightly glares] what's it called, music weekly?
[OH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE YOU ARE BACK]
we made an effort to explain that it was the school newspaper and would not involve any musical selections circa 1989 if we could help it. she brightened at this, then asked if she could help, "unless you guys DON'T WANT ME TO [/gloom]". this is where we made the mistake of being all "oh sure you can help!!"
she then promptly decided she was going to TAKE THE FUCK OVER.
ava: "can I write? well, I don't want to write. I want to write whatever I want and can I also read people's articles like to see if they flooow?"
c: "ava, that's what an editor does."
I would have let her have the editor position. I really would. except I have a clear, fulfillable ambition for what I want to do when I grow up, unlike the fucking gay table. I really, really want to be an editor. and I have a talent for it, I KNOW this. know what else this ties into? the academy's drama club. I know that sounds like a tangent, but bear with me here. I love working on stage crew. I have stage manager power, and I'm pretty damn good at not freaking out too much. ava has also been on stage crew at the academy. she's been specially trained to do the lighting, while I'm Official Stage Manager. guess what position she wants? stage manager. why? because I have it. now, can you imagine her as a stage manager? "GUYS LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME! [screaming] FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! OH MY GOD FUCK YOU ALL, YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME, THIS IS TOO HARD! OH MY GOD, NO ONE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR ME, JEEEESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?"
now I'll draw it back to the point. I am the editor. she wants my position because she can't have it and she knows it. but hell if she doesn't try. from a note c wrote me in that same period:
if you want her to do anything just say you want to do it & she will.
I believe she would call this a "quirk". I also believe I would call it "obnoxious".
today was our club fair. in special school event terms it means the entire academy went to mass in our poorly-lit gym and then we all ate lunch on a grassy knoll [read: pavement, about ten square feet of dewy grass, and three picnic tables]. after that, it was time for a representative from each club to stand up and entice people to join by offering food. the newspaper will involve bribing people with food, but we didn't tell them that. also I think our announcement was a bit awkward [c, since you're the only one that reads this, I don't just mean your A/8 fuckup, I know I rambled too much and basically failed to express my point as desired], but, y'know, at least we taped up flyers.
the only thing is last night ava tried to micromanage the newspaper over facebook. oh christ. mind you, this was AFTER c and I spent two hours planning over the phone, and during that time we called her and offered her a position in advance. WHICH SHE DECLINED. and now she thinks she owns the paper. oh christ. spare me, will you? she gave both c and I the cold shoulder for most of the day, which failed to express anything.
except "christ, what an asshole".
[note: this was during our half-hour break in between periods 3 and 5. it is not lunch. lunch is in between 6 and 7. it sounds like a scheduling derp but it's actually quite awesome.]
A Conversation Straight From The Gay Table
me: "sorry we're late..."
ava: "WHERE WERE YOU GUYS?"
[she was really mad we missed being in the cafeteria for fourth period yesterday. ok, can I help it if I needed to "decorate" my locker and c takes approximately a year to pack up for any given class? but I promised ava that c and I would be in the caf. I kind of forgot we needed to talk to ms. butler. and yes, ava was literally yelling.]
c: "sorry, we had to go see ms. butler."
ava: "WHO'S MS. BUTLER?"
me: "exactly..."
[ms. butler doesn't actually teach anything. she sits in an office all day and does... something for the school. I don't know what.]
c: we're starting up the newspaper again.
ava: you guys have a newspaper? [slightly glares] what's it called, music weekly?
[OH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE YOU ARE BACK]
we made an effort to explain that it was the school newspaper and would not involve any musical selections circa 1989 if we could help it. she brightened at this, then asked if she could help, "unless you guys DON'T WANT ME TO [/gloom]". this is where we made the mistake of being all "oh sure you can help!!"
she then promptly decided she was going to TAKE THE FUCK OVER.
ava: "can I write? well, I don't want to write. I want to write whatever I want and can I also read people's articles like to see if they flooow?"
c: "ava, that's what an editor does."
I would have let her have the editor position. I really would. except I have a clear, fulfillable ambition for what I want to do when I grow up, unlike the fucking gay table. I really, really want to be an editor. and I have a talent for it, I KNOW this. know what else this ties into? the academy's drama club. I know that sounds like a tangent, but bear with me here. I love working on stage crew. I have stage manager power, and I'm pretty damn good at not freaking out too much. ava has also been on stage crew at the academy. she's been specially trained to do the lighting, while I'm Official Stage Manager. guess what position she wants? stage manager. why? because I have it. now, can you imagine her as a stage manager? "GUYS LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME! [screaming] FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! OH MY GOD FUCK YOU ALL, YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME, THIS IS TOO HARD! OH MY GOD, NO ONE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR ME, JEEEESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?"
now I'll draw it back to the point. I am the editor. she wants my position because she can't have it and she knows it. but hell if she doesn't try. from a note c wrote me in that same period:
if you want her to do anything just say you want to do it & she will.
I believe she would call this a "quirk". I also believe I would call it "obnoxious".
today was our club fair. in special school event terms it means the entire academy went to mass in our poorly-lit gym and then we all ate lunch on a grassy knoll [read: pavement, about ten square feet of dewy grass, and three picnic tables]. after that, it was time for a representative from each club to stand up and entice people to join by offering food. the newspaper will involve bribing people with food, but we didn't tell them that. also I think our announcement was a bit awkward [c, since you're the only one that reads this, I don't just mean your A/8 fuckup, I know I rambled too much and basically failed to express my point as desired], but, y'know, at least we taped up flyers.
the only thing is last night ava tried to micromanage the newspaper over facebook. oh christ. mind you, this was AFTER c and I spent two hours planning over the phone, and during that time we called her and offered her a position in advance. WHICH SHE DECLINED. and now she thinks she owns the paper. oh christ. spare me, will you? she gave both c and I the cold shoulder for most of the day, which failed to express anything.
except "christ, what an asshole".
3.9.10
I forgot a title, excuuuuuuse me
apologies for that lack of posting. I did get my schedule! and I did stand in the academy's humid and absolutely packed "library" for an hour and a half in hopes of actually buying my textbooks!
my schedule is made out of happiness and suicidal ideation in equal parts. I have five [possibly 6, I'll let her elaborate on that if she chooses to] classes with c, and my theology teacher is indeed the guitar-playing nun instead of mrs. babiez. praise god.
on the other hand, I looked through some of the books we'll be reading. namely the theology ones. they all look super classy. of course, one trashes the hippies [we have at least one book every year like that] and one is entirely about the mystery of femininity and how We Have The Power over guys, yet our only purpose in life is to have babiez and more babiez. uuuugh I don't like learning this for a grade.
while traipsing around the building I noticed that sometime when I wasn't looking they put even more decals around. pretty soon this place is going to be famous for all the shit they've plastered on their walls. we have a huge bust of some saint sticking out of the wall quite precariously OVER a staircase, as well as "inspirational" quotes painted or iron-on-transferred onto the walls. sure, we have some from the founder of the school and the obligatory eleanor roosevelt wisdom and bible passages, but one is from shrek, and one is a badly reworded kurt cobain quote with no attribution. that's right girlies, shrek is the path to jesus, but grunge will make you shoot yourself.
shane isn't in any of my classes. ava is in two, I think. I haven't heard from anyone else.
I say this year will be excellent.
today one of the librarians told me I should write a blog. I so wanted to laugh at that, but instead I smiled and nodded. I'll let her wonder...
edit: OH MY GOD, did I ever mention that shane is magically coming back to the academy anyway? if I did, well, I'm an idiot but forgive me because it's late.
my schedule is made out of happiness and suicidal ideation in equal parts. I have five [possibly 6, I'll let her elaborate on that if she chooses to] classes with c, and my theology teacher is indeed the guitar-playing nun instead of mrs. babiez. praise god.
on the other hand, I looked through some of the books we'll be reading. namely the theology ones. they all look super classy. of course, one trashes the hippies [we have at least one book every year like that] and one is entirely about the mystery of femininity and how We Have The Power over guys, yet our only purpose in life is to have babiez and more babiez. uuuugh I don't like learning this for a grade.
while traipsing around the building I noticed that sometime when I wasn't looking they put even more decals around. pretty soon this place is going to be famous for all the shit they've plastered on their walls. we have a huge bust of some saint sticking out of the wall quite precariously OVER a staircase, as well as "inspirational" quotes painted or iron-on-transferred onto the walls. sure, we have some from the founder of the school and the obligatory eleanor roosevelt wisdom and bible passages, but one is from shrek, and one is a badly reworded kurt cobain quote with no attribution. that's right girlies, shrek is the path to jesus, but grunge will make you shoot yourself.
shane isn't in any of my classes. ava is in two, I think. I haven't heard from anyone else.
I say this year will be excellent.
today one of the librarians told me I should write a blog. I so wanted to laugh at that, but instead I smiled and nodded. I'll let her wonder...
edit: OH MY GOD, did I ever mention that shane is magically coming back to the academy anyway? if I did, well, I'm an idiot but forgive me because it's late.
6.8.10
community service #5
when I got to school today I was told to sit in the lobby. I fucking knew it! I thought to myself. goddamn this'll make a great post...
and then they told me to go upstairs. after a while of wandering aimlessly around the library, c and I were sent to mrs. spanish's room to help her crack open a few cans of lavender paint. both of us are prone to falling over and stepping on things and basically creating accidental havoc. so... painting walls? not such a great idea.
still, we persevered. holy hell. when I went to my library job later today, someone asked me if I had poison ivy on my arms because of the paint. it's just not coming off. c got in massive trouble since it was highly visible on her shirt.
the other people painting with us were mostly from our class. and mostly pvgs. they got into a discussion about the merits of jersey shore and teen mom. c tried to join in this conversation because of her knowledge of it, and failed. nobody listens...
c and I were sent to wash paintbrushes and ended up in the empty cafeteria [which is located right next to a bathroom that nobody uses, making it an ideal place to talk about creepy things unheard]. empty cafeterias are REALLY nice.
all in all? good day. I'm so glad I get to sleep in tomorrow... oh right, I have a job. and mary's "surprise" party. ava is getting increasingly annoyed at this. ha ha ha. next post'll be on sunday.
and then they told me to go upstairs. after a while of wandering aimlessly around the library, c and I were sent to mrs. spanish's room to help her crack open a few cans of lavender paint. both of us are prone to falling over and stepping on things and basically creating accidental havoc. so... painting walls? not such a great idea.
still, we persevered. holy hell. when I went to my library job later today, someone asked me if I had poison ivy on my arms because of the paint. it's just not coming off. c got in massive trouble since it was highly visible on her shirt.
the other people painting with us were mostly from our class. and mostly pvgs. they got into a discussion about the merits of jersey shore and teen mom. c tried to join in this conversation because of her knowledge of it, and failed. nobody listens...
c and I were sent to wash paintbrushes and ended up in the empty cafeteria [which is located right next to a bathroom that nobody uses, making it an ideal place to talk about creepy things unheard]. empty cafeterias are REALLY nice.
all in all? good day. I'm so glad I get to sleep in tomorrow... oh right, I have a job. and mary's "surprise" party. ava is getting increasingly annoyed at this. ha ha ha. next post'll be on sunday.
5.8.10
community service #4
they're running out of shit for us to move.
we were ordered to get a bunch of chairs out of the back of the principal's car. then we brought them up to the library. somebody was ordered to clean them with some kind of magical vacuum. c and I were ignored and basically just stood there along with a few other people who, while not being ignored, also did not have the vacuum.
oh, then c and I were told to bring a highly outdated monitor into mr. creepy's sketchy-as-all-hell walk-in closet! yay for america.
then somehow people ended up counting pants or something.
starting to think that tomorrow they'll have us just sit in the lobby or something.
edit:
c and I were also accosted by the senile-est nun they have. she asked if we knew anything about cameras, because she had apparently recently acquired a digital one and wanted to know how to take a picture with it. it was one with the settings all on a wheel, so I guess she was confused with all the different options.
as she walked away, she said, "I wanted to take a picture of some flowers. at the funeral home down the street."
I love this place.
we were ordered to get a bunch of chairs out of the back of the principal's car. then we brought them up to the library. somebody was ordered to clean them with some kind of magical vacuum. c and I were ignored and basically just stood there along with a few other people who, while not being ignored, also did not have the vacuum.
oh, then c and I were told to bring a highly outdated monitor into mr. creepy's sketchy-as-all-hell walk-in closet! yay for america.
then somehow people ended up counting pants or something.
starting to think that tomorrow they'll have us just sit in the lobby or something.
edit:
c and I were also accosted by the senile-est nun they have. she asked if we knew anything about cameras, because she had apparently recently acquired a digital one and wanted to know how to take a picture with it. it was one with the settings all on a wheel, so I guess she was confused with all the different options.
as she walked away, she said, "I wanted to take a picture of some flowers. at the funeral home down the street."
I love this place.
4.8.10
community service #3
today was special. we got on a bus and went to a different school and moved shit around in there.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
3.8.10
community service #2 + drama update
today c and I, along with a sophomore I've never before talked to, were assigned to help the nun who teaches art move shit around. I SWEAR TO GOD THAT'S ALL WE EVER DO. she apparently still remembers my unfortunate mishap during volunteer week last year, when I sorta flooded her kitchen a little bit. jesus, I didn't even remember that.
our first task: "this box of embroidery thread is out of order. let's put it in order. NO, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG."
"are we supposed to put the individual packets in order?"
"NO."
"oh, then do we move the drawers?"
"NO. we're moving the shelves."
in the end they were in "order". nobody understood the system, really. except the nun.
task #2: planting plants. nobody screwed this up, actually. not in a huge way, anyway.
task #3: JEWELRY. I will fully admit to not having any idea what the hell was going on with the jewelry, but it involved pins. lots and lots of pins.
the nun then released us, and we were told to go up to the library. now, our school library is a massive piece of failure. it is in a gym. the shelves themselves take up like ten percent of the gym. the rest of it is wide open space. and couches. then the library is about 65% outdated nonfiction, 30% pvg-y or required-reading fiction, and 5% encyclopedias. as a result, not many people end up actually in the shelves and instead spend their time with the many couches. C and I spend a lot of time in the actual library bit, so we know our way around it. being paranoid, we set out checking to make sure none of the excellently outdated books we so love [like UFOS are Serious Business! and Nuclear War: What's In It For You?] hadn't been stolen or pulled or anything.
and then I decided to get a bit creative and long story short we got locked in a fucking stairwell that, judging from the musty smell, hadn't been opened in years. I was so thrilled when the one unlocked door [besides the one that DEFINITELY led to some kind of Place To Hide The Bodies] turned out to not be an emergency exit.
I don't remember a ton from today. I shelved books for two and a half hours at my library-job. that was exciting. I also ran into this napoleon-dynamite-esque guy who stalked me in 8th grade. that was pretty freaking creepy.
edit:
me: "I saw ____ at the library today."
my mom: "how is he?"
me: "uh, good. he showed me pictures of his friends and then he took my picture. that was weird."
my dad [utilizing a jon heder voice]: "'this is a Lissa... it's probably my favorite animal'"
another edit:
from my good friend wikiquote.
-----
oh, but I did promise a drama update.
remember ava's epic idea [all her ideas are "epic"] about the surprise-mary-party? yeah, it's still on, but now we're going to a freaking amusement park as well. and every time I say something in the thread, she's like, "FINE. JUST GET THERE." in a way that implies she's envisioning stabbing me in the face. she does not do this to anyone else. though I will give her credit: her last facebook status was "is a little depressed", which, in her terms, means "will dismember you if you look at her".
no word on the drinky-drinky party. these people suck at planning.
our first task: "this box of embroidery thread is out of order. let's put it in order. NO, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG."
"are we supposed to put the individual packets in order?"
"NO."
"oh, then do we move the drawers?"
"NO. we're moving the shelves."
in the end they were in "order". nobody understood the system, really. except the nun.
task #2: planting plants. nobody screwed this up, actually. not in a huge way, anyway.
task #3: JEWELRY. I will fully admit to not having any idea what the hell was going on with the jewelry, but it involved pins. lots and lots of pins.
the nun then released us, and we were told to go up to the library. now, our school library is a massive piece of failure. it is in a gym. the shelves themselves take up like ten percent of the gym. the rest of it is wide open space. and couches. then the library is about 65% outdated nonfiction, 30% pvg-y or required-reading fiction, and 5% encyclopedias. as a result, not many people end up actually in the shelves and instead spend their time with the many couches. C and I spend a lot of time in the actual library bit, so we know our way around it. being paranoid, we set out checking to make sure none of the excellently outdated books we so love [like UFOS are Serious Business! and Nuclear War: What's In It For You?] hadn't been stolen or pulled or anything.
and then I decided to get a bit creative and long story short we got locked in a fucking stairwell that, judging from the musty smell, hadn't been opened in years. I was so thrilled when the one unlocked door [besides the one that DEFINITELY led to some kind of Place To Hide The Bodies] turned out to not be an emergency exit.
I don't remember a ton from today. I shelved books for two and a half hours at my library-job. that was exciting. I also ran into this napoleon-dynamite-esque guy who stalked me in 8th grade. that was pretty freaking creepy.
edit:
me: "I saw ____ at the library today."
my mom: "how is he?"
me: "uh, good. he showed me pictures of his friends and then he took my picture. that was weird."
my dad [utilizing a jon heder voice]: "'this is a Lissa... it's probably my favorite animal'"
another edit:
from my good friend wikiquote.
Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.
-----
oh, but I did promise a drama update.
remember ava's epic idea [all her ideas are "epic"] about the surprise-mary-party? yeah, it's still on, but now we're going to a freaking amusement park as well. and every time I say something in the thread, she's like, "FINE. JUST GET THERE." in a way that implies she's envisioning stabbing me in the face. she does not do this to anyone else. though I will give her credit: her last facebook status was "is a little depressed", which, in her terms, means "will dismember you if you look at her".
no word on the drinky-drinky party. these people suck at planning.
2.8.10
community service #1
c and I are doing community service week at the school. basically this is a nice way of saying "moving some shit around".
today we had the exciting job of moving books, books, and more books. we moved books from mrs. spanish teacher's room into her new room. [aside: we have two spanish teachers. mrs. spanish and sra. spanglish. we also have a french teacher, mme. russian. shit is fucked up] there were four or five other people from our class there. including the one who's going to be the valedictorian. overheard from her: "I'm good at painting because I'm anal." go team!
when we ran out of shit to move, we suddenly ran into sr. hitler [the "president" of the school. not the principal, the president. the principal is a whole different person] and mrs. babies. HOLY HELL THAT WAS TERRIFYING. c and I moved shit out of mrs. babies's office into her new room, which was mrs. spanish's old room.
it was less confusing than it sounds. mrs. babies has a lot of outdated books. we found one that mentioned keith and sid as prime examples of why you shouldn't do drugs. damn skippy! the thing was from 1993.
we also laughed at the catechism. she has at least three.
today we had the exciting job of moving books, books, and more books. we moved books from mrs. spanish teacher's room into her new room. [aside: we have two spanish teachers. mrs. spanish and sra. spanglish. we also have a french teacher, mme. russian. shit is fucked up] there were four or five other people from our class there. including the one who's going to be the valedictorian. overheard from her: "I'm good at painting because I'm anal." go team!
when we ran out of shit to move, we suddenly ran into sr. hitler [the "president" of the school. not the principal, the president. the principal is a whole different person] and mrs. babies. HOLY HELL THAT WAS TERRIFYING. c and I moved shit out of mrs. babies's office into her new room, which was mrs. spanish's old room.
it was less confusing than it sounds. mrs. babies has a lot of outdated books. we found one that mentioned keith and sid as prime examples of why you shouldn't do drugs. damn skippy! the thing was from 1993.
we also laughed at the catechism. she has at least three.
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