11.9.10

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I think I need this whenever anyone at the lunch table opens their mouth.

that's all

hellhole crap and superdrama

can you guess what the topic of today's post is going to be? if you guessed ava the drama machine, you, sir, are correct. she is at it again. I sometimes wonder if she ever sleeps or if she just stays up and thinks of all the different ways to ask people if they're mad at her and then blow up at them.

the night before school started she sent me a ten-minute-long trance song, with no warning, without telling me what it was other than "look!!! song I sent you!!!" I don't even.

this progressed into how she's "TRYING!!!!" to not be oversensitive and uber-emotional. and then it was back to her favorite topic ever: how college will solve all her problems.

ava: but anyway, it's just they are getting frustrated with how i can be wicked oversensitive and emotional. i really am trying but apparently not good enough for them
me: they're your family. again. somehow I don't thnik anything we do wiill ever be good enough for our families, becase we have to live with them.
ava: sigh. i love them, i really do. but i cant wait for college. just SO annoying
me: what is, just.. everything?
ava: family
me: yeah.. well, yeah, when you live with someone of course you'll be mad at them every once in a while. because there's no way to get away from them.

this did not placate her. she kept on going with "I HATE MY LIFE, COLLEGE WILL MAKE IT BETTER!", which we in the real world refer to "'I can't wait to get out of this hellhole' crap".

it. got. better.

ava: yeah... this is why i am nervous to get married. because my kids will annoy me a lot, and my husband will annoy me a lot and i will find myself wishing i can move back to college
me: I thought you said you wanted to fall in love.... and yes, you think your mother doesn't get annoyed at you and your sister and your dad?*
ava: huh> i do want to fall in love but i also want to be happy
me: shoudln't falling in love make you happy? getting married won't automatically make you happy*
ava: yeah falling in love with the wrong person can make you miserable

*notice how she totally brushes these things off.

C (10:04:05 PM): oh my god
C (10:04:12 PM): cheap teenage melodrama, m1k3y.
L (10:04:31 PM): yes. cheap teenage melodrama, comrade.
C (10:04:33 PM): I can't wait to get out of home, so my family will stop nagging me all the time, and take care of MYSELF. and pay for MYSELF. because that WON'T BE ANNOYING AT ALL.
C (10:05:00 PM): dude, if all you want is to be alone maybe you shouldn't get married?
C (10:05:13 PM): I like how she didn't respond to the thing about her mom

I do too, C. [have I ever mentioned how the C stands for comrade?] [ok it doesn't really.] but the thing is she does shit like this all the time.

yestersay she switched back over to aim, which is where c and I hang out all the time. because facebook chat sucks. it also meant that there was another epic ranting sharefest last night. typically when these happen I get slightly less violent toward her for a short period. not this time. she dithered on for ages about how she feels excluded from the newspaper EVEN THOUGH SHE IS TRYING TO RUN IT and then went on about how "the trio doesn't exist anymore" [the trio being hypothetically made up of her, c, and me] and how since she "thinks differently" we must hate her.

A (8:17:57 PM): It's not so much the newspaper, as more of the fact that in a trio there is supposed to be this bond
A (8:18:47 PM): and the bond i had with you guys was damaged and sometimes i wonder if it was ever really there
A (8:19:45 PM): and now there is this strong bond between you and C___ that i not only envy, but wish i had RIGHT NOW

this is what I mean. doozy #2:

A (8:28:39 PM): so the only reason my name isn't on the papers or anything is because we weren't speaking?
L (8:29:22 PM): at that point, yeah. I think if you had been involved with it when whoever it was got the idea then you'd be helping manage it now. I think.
A (8:30:22 PM): okay
A (8:30:22 PM): i see
A (8:30:37 PM): i hope you know that you guys will probably need more opinions beside just you two on how to manage it
L (8:30:57 PM): yes, yes we do
A (8:31:05 PM): you both think alike and i think separetly from you two

oh I get it now--besides just you two means I am going to run your shit whether you want me to or not.

once that debate was over, AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH--she had to pull out the stage manager thing again.

A (9:43:03 PM): lissa
A (9:43:06 PM): i have one question
L (9:43:15 PM): yeah?
L (9:43:17 PM): okay
A (9:43:22 PM): i know i've already asked you this
L (9:43:32 PM): I am not mad at you

[all of freshman year and a good while into sophomore year she would randomly bust out an "ARE YOU MAD AT ME???" and then I'd have to be like "no ava I'm not mad at you what the hell I'm just sitting here" and she'd be like "OH GOD YOU'RE MAD AT ME WHY." I'm very glad someone convinced her to stop that bending.]

A (9:43:33 PM): but you know how you are going to be stage manager this year?
A (9:43:46 PM): well...
A (9:43:57 PM): im wondering if senior year if i could possibly... you know...
A (9:44:00 PM): try it..
A (9:44:01 PM): .
L (9:44:25 PM): ok. uh, why do you want to exactly?
A (9:44:37 PM): here we go
A (9:45:20 PM): because i want the experience and because ive wanted to ever since freshmen year and because i want to have the responsibility and i want to be on stage
A (9:45:52 PM): and i don't want to do sound and i think it would be fun and i just want to
A (9:45:53 PM): okay?
A (9:46:02 PM): and i am not doing it to make your life miserable
L (9:46:27 PM): ok. those are valid reasons. I really, REALLY want senior year though. like you cannot even comprehend how much.
A (9:46:40 PM): *sigh*
A (9:46:52 PM): but i don't want junior year because the class is intimidating
A (9:46:57 PM): senior class, i mean
L (9:47:04 PM): BECAUSE THE CLASS IS INTIMIDATING???
L (9:47:11 PM): wtf kind of a reason is that! [I'm hyper]
L (9:47:35 PM): OH. senior clas. ok.
A (9:47:37 PM): i don't want [name of highly bitchy senior] turning on me because i wasn't fast enough to give the fucking line
L (9:48:00 PM): the senior class is not intimidating.. dude.. all you do is yell at them and they lusten and if they don't you kill them
A (9:48:16 PM): i like that

[you would]

L (9:48:16 PM): and well neither do I. that's something you have to deal with if you're in that position.
A (9:49:02 PM): *sigh*
A (9:49:11 PM): some time while I am at [the academy], I would like to try it
L (9:49:29 PM): it';s like being president.
L (9:49:37 PM): I will do an analogy. it's like being president.
A (9:49:58 PM): (if you were president, the world would die)
A (9:50:01 PM): (no offense)
L (9:50:33 PM): you think "wow, I want to be president! it's such an esteemed position!" but the truth is that it's a lot of work and a lot of pressure and you get no recognition for anything good you do and all anyone ever does its pay attention to the bad shit and everyone fucking hates yo and doesn't invite you to the cast party and you end up puking at ihop at one in the morning.

[TOTAL TRUTH. after last year's play c and I really did go to ihop from eleven until one in the morning and I ended up puking because I was stupid and ordered milk even though I'm lactose intolerant. also, we split a plate of pancakes which we put all four flavors of syrup on. it was awesome, you should try it.]

L (9:50:45 PM): if you think you can handle that go right afuckinghead.
A (9:51:03 PM): you and c___...
A (9:51:14 PM): you also don't want to give up the position
L (9:51:22 PM): ...whaaat?
L (9:51:46 PM): no. I'm saying. it's a lot of pressure. if you don't think you would snap, you can have junior year. I'll take over for AB or something.

[AB graduated from the academy when I was a freshman. we did annie that year and she was miss hannigan. it was amazing. the part totally fit her. she still comes back to help with our plays.]

A (9:51:59 PM): what about ab?
L (9:52:13 PM): she gives cues backstage
A (9:52:45 PM): or we could be co-SMs
A (9:53:36 PM): okay
A (9:53:38 PM): stupid idea
L (9:53:43 PM): oh nooo, I think you should get a lovely taste of what it's liek to have Full Responsibility. because it is a lot of fun once you get past the fact that everyone hates you. co-sm would not do that. like.. you wouldn't get the experience you want, I;m saying, if that makes sense

[look how I'm being bitchy and then trying to cover my bitchtracks]

A (9:54:21 PM): lissa, seriously
A (9:54:22 PM): i wouldn't mind
L (9:54:39 PM): ok! do whatever you want.

[in my head this was "husker du whatever you want I don't care"]

A (9:55:04 PM): *sigh*
A (9:55:09 PM): only if it is okay with you

finally I got her to shut up and she started talking about how we shouldn't argue because it's friday and then proceeded to ignore me for an hour and a half. but oh, you can bet this will fucking return. it'll be back for sure. and when that happens, I will bring out the big guns. but that's a story for another day.


bonus C & L im of the day

C (8:59:26 PM): what the shit
C (8:59:36 PM): how did she ever, ever, ever get into infected mushroom?
L (8:59:45 PM): I DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS THIS
C (8:59:50 PM): if this was on the vampire diaries I will eat martin "hat" gore's hat

10.9.10

new, improved, and no longer defunct!

...the academy's horrendous grocery-store-sale-flyer-resembling school newspaper, that is. way back in may or so, c and I came up with a plan to restart it--we'd been on the staff in freshman year and then the whole thing fell apart. our faculty adviser [whom c tells me we should call ms. butler] approved highly, and so the plan was set into motion. fast forward to yesterday.

[note: this was during our half-hour break in between periods 3 and 5. it is not lunch. lunch is in between 6 and 7. it sounds like a scheduling derp but it's actually quite awesome.]

A Conversation Straight From The Gay Table

me: "sorry we're late..."

ava: "WHERE WERE YOU GUYS?"
[she was really mad we missed being in the cafeteria for fourth period yesterday. ok, can I help it if I needed to "decorate" my locker and c takes approximately a year to pack up for any given class? but I promised ava that c and I would be in the caf. I kind of forgot we needed to talk to ms. butler. and yes, ava was literally yelling.]

c: "sorry, we had to go see ms. butler."

ava: "WHO'S MS. BUTLER?"

me: "exactly..."
[ms. butler doesn't actually teach anything. she sits in an office all day and does... something for the school. I don't know what.]

c: we're starting up the newspaper again.

ava: you guys have a newspaper? [slightly glares] what's it called, music weekly?
[OH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE YOU ARE BACK]

we made an effort to explain that it was the school newspaper and would not involve any musical selections circa 1989 if we could help it. she brightened at this, then asked if she could help, "unless you guys DON'T WANT ME TO [/gloom]". this is where we made the mistake of being all "oh sure you can help!!"

she then promptly decided she was going to TAKE THE FUCK OVER.

ava: "can I write? well, I don't want to write. I want to write whatever I want and can I also read people's articles like to see if they flooow?"

c: "ava, that's what an editor does."

I would have let her have the editor position. I really would. except I have a clear, fulfillable ambition for what I want to do when I grow up, unlike the fucking gay table. I really, really want to be an editor. and I have a talent for it, I KNOW this. know what else this ties into? the academy's drama club. I know that sounds like a tangent, but bear with me here. I love working on stage crew. I have stage manager power, and I'm pretty damn good at not freaking out too much. ava has also been on stage crew at the academy. she's been specially trained to do the lighting, while I'm Official Stage Manager. guess what position she wants? stage manager. why? because I have it. now, can you imagine her as a stage manager? "GUYS LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME! [screaming] FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! OH MY GOD FUCK YOU ALL, YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME, THIS IS TOO HARD! OH MY GOD, NO ONE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR ME, JEEEESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?"

now I'll draw it back to the point. I am the editor. she wants my position because she can't have it and she knows it. but hell if she doesn't try. from a note c wrote me in that same period:

if you want her to do anything just say you want to do it & she will.

I believe she would call this a "quirk". I also believe I would call it "obnoxious".

today was our club fair. in special school event terms it means the entire academy went to mass in our poorly-lit gym and then we all ate lunch on a grassy knoll [read: pavement, about ten square feet of dewy grass, and three picnic tables]. after that, it was time for a representative from each club to stand up and entice people to join by offering food. the newspaper will involve bribing people with food, but we didn't tell them that. also I think our announcement was a bit awkward [c, since you're the only one that reads this, I don't just mean your A/8 fuckup, I know I rambled too much and basically failed to express my point as desired], but, y'know, at least we taped up flyers.

the only thing is last night ava tried to micromanage the newspaper over facebook. oh christ. mind you, this was AFTER c and I spent two hours planning over the phone, and during that time we called her and offered her a position in advance. WHICH SHE DECLINED. and now she thinks she owns the paper. oh christ. spare me, will you? she gave both c and I the cold shoulder for most of the day, which failed to express anything.

except "christ, what an asshole".

9.9.10

won't you believe it it's just my luck

alert the media--I've started school. another full year of dubious academy fun is underway. yesterday I stole a giant box that once held cigarettes [or so the side says] from the school, which should give you an idea of EXACTLY how great it was. in addition to that, my theology teacher said the word "abortion" six times within a minute and a half. and I like my schedule a lot. I have a big locker, as opposed to c's, which is narrow and unable to comfortably fit all her books. so yes, for me, the first day was great.

for everyone else at the table? not so much.

mary seems to, for once, be happy about where she is. she's in a lot of honors classes this year [with me], so she's moving up, and I really hope she can get through that. I have faith in her though, or some other cliched bullshit like that.

emma is no longer out of commission! this is exciting news. she has various "ailments" which cause her to stay out of school for weeks at a time, which is probably bad news. I don't even know what it is with her. but she hasn't missed a day yet [2 for 2] this year, and is annoyingly trying to worm her way into every conversation going on at the table, whether it involves her or not.

shane has somehow obtained wal-mart-style folders and notebooks all with jesus fish and bible passages plastered all over them. she swears it was her grandmother. they were passed around the lunch table and appropriately graffitied. which... brings... us... to...

ava is upset that shane isn't "concerned about anyone's school year but her own". good, I say. we wouldn't want her failing out. jesus. but anyway, ava is also mad that c's and my schedules coincide so much. I think she thinks we somehow did it on purpose because we hate her. not true. her passive-aggressive comments continue on and on and on and oh my god I just want them to STOP. if she would just cut out the "you hate me, I know you hate me, I will spanish inquisition you until you slip up", she would be a NICE PERSON. honestly. as my dad would say, MOTHER OF GOD.

oh, and her latest youtube discovery is breakdancing. I'm not sure if being sent videos of street performers in new york or jesus metal is worse.

as a whole, today at lunch the table spent far too much time discussing how much they want to go to college. oh lord, college does not solve all your problems. but we can discuss that in a later post. [ava did something supremely ranttastic last night. it needs a post all its own.]

c has said her farewells to blogging for the year. but holy hell I am just getting started here. I will keep drama updates posted. [I've got something great about a certain school newspaper. heh heh heh.]

5.9.10

if it wasn't for your misfortune I'd be a heavenly person today

school starts on wednesday. I still have to read the jungle and write a "personal review" on it. I'm skimming it, I already know it sucks and I hate meat. oh well!

I've been discussing various matters with ava on facebook. she seems to have resolved her grudge against me by now [or at least she claims she has]. apparently Someone Did Something, and neither c nor I can figure out what the hell spawned this, but here. excerpts. and commentary.

ava: do you remember that tearful sleepover we had at my house? it's just... im afraid that it didn't do anything

sweet jesus, I'm thinking. what brought this on? and do we really need reminding?

I went to c and appropriately expressed my concerns that I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

c (10:12:25 PM): you don't have to tell her this, but you realize she probably could have learned a few things from that too
c (10:12:31 PM): like to not do what she's doing right now?

right c, right! didn't we actually tell her back then that WHAT SHE'S DOING IS BAD AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED?

and yet it continued.

ava: yeah but we aren't having the eventful five-way phone convos we used to have
me: every one of those from this summer has been because [shane] was planning something
ava: or the laughs that broke out with each other, or the obvious love between everybody at the table

sweet christ, I think I might be an evil person for wanting to shoot myself through this. I asked her about this "obvious love" and she elaborated nicely.

ava: was there love there? or was that the high school social bug that stung us all
me: uh... what? what are you even talking about, I don't get it. are you asdking about freshman year or sophoomore year?
ava: freshmen, the first three months were amazing

OH MY GOD, I thought here. SHE'S REPEATING EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID AT THE SLEEPOVER.

me: well, in freshman year we didn't even really know each other that well... not at the beginnign at least
ava: now we do and we all secretly hate each other

well fucking played.

the conversation then took a non sequitur path and we discussed why I so despise the rrpof, and then she did another non sequitur and said that c was awesome. then she came out with this gem:

ava: but im also worried about [mary]
me: [mary] is scarily obesssed wth [shane], yes. that is cause for alarm.
ava: she's in love with her, there's a difference

OH MY GOD, SHE'S SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. PLEASE CUT THIS CRAP.

the crap was eventually cut and the conversation turned to why ava wishes I was her closest friend. aw. in trying to do so she backhandedly insulted me. it was great. it eventually escalated into "I CAN'T MOVE ON!!!" in those exact words. I am so thrilled. she told c that she was "working it out, epic chick flick moment", but nothing was really happening over on my end. then ava and I made a Pact.

ava: i will try to be less angry and talk to you more
ava: but you have to stop blocking me out and know that i am here for you
ava: yes i know you are working on it
me: okay. thank you. that will work.
ava: but that is my demands, do you have any demands?

I thought about this and told her nicely to stop jumping someone else's train, namely mine. that segued into "but I really do like depeche mode, I find myself CRAVING it!" after that I gave up, which she took as a sign it was okay to send me more jesus metal shit.

---

C (10:59:38 PM): oh god. I will grant you that the people are... interesting, to use an [ava] phrase, but please don't start the "I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE" crap
L (11:00:23 PM): hahaha. trust me I won't. I do love [the academy]. it's the Interesting People that make me not want, that is all.
C (11:00:55 PM): hah. it is ok.
L (11:01:02 PM): which is why the blog is good, I guess. just so long as no one finds it
C (11:01:09 PM): yes. it is good.
L (11:01:38 PM): "heheheeeey, today my friends sucked. also now my blog can give you a seizure if you move your mouse too fast! I love life."