a list of the top 10 types of people [or just people] I hate the most at my job. this also features the particular hell that went on last week, which is at #1. not to say there aren't some really nice people [I have a particular bond with dudes in ac/dc shirts and crazy cat ladies, it would seem], but overall, most of the people suck.
10. people who ignore me when I try to talk to them - do you want this in plastic? um... excuse me... EXCUSE ME MR. EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME??? DO YOU WANT THIS IN PLASTIC OH MY GOD I WANT TO KILL YOU
9. my boss - oh god this guy. today he told me not to cross my legs. at least I think that's what he was saying. he doesn't speak english very well. in his words, it was "stand straight, remember, don't close your legs." right, I won't close my legs.
8. people who set their screaming children right next to me - this right here is why I hate kids.
7. people using food stamps who have really fancy phones and manicures - do I have to?
6. people who buy enough food to feed the russian army and then look at me like it's my fault I can't bag at the speed of light - oh, I'm sure you have somewhere to be. shouldn't have counted on the grocery store being a fast job, hmm? it never is. so stop looking at me like that or I'll put these cans on top of the bread.
5. people who complain about their bags being too heavy - okay, look, if I can lift it with one hand it's not fucking heavy. I have no muscles whatsoever so stfu.
4. people who want their shit in paper bags INSIDE plastic bags - HUMANITY IS DE-EVOLVING BECAUSE OF YOU.
3. people who buy large quantities of meat - please just stop. especially when it's bloody or shredded. raw meat in general makes me want to throw up, but DO YOU HAVE TO PUT SO MUCH OF IT TOGETHER? it's not even any particular types of meat, except for...:
2. people who buy semi-boneless legs of lamb - do you even know how hard it is to hold a semi-boneless leg of lamb and not think "well I'm holding a severed limb of a dead baby sheep"? also, "semi-boneless" does not protect from the sickening crack that is bone meeting metal if you accidentally drop it. gaaah.
1. the bitchface - I see this woman every week, usually one register over from me. she. must. die. she is like the solo embodiment of the most racist queer-bashing bands they can find. she only came to my register once, and I made the mistake of biting a hangnail. she freaked out and demanded I didn't touch anything else, then yelled at the manager when he came over. and then proceeded to leave without paying for anything. so we had to clean up a whole register full of shit. this is the kind of person who champions pta meetings and fears rock & roll because it makes kids into school shooters. she must die.
13.8.10
updates on the demode front
1. apparently ava did not remember any of the name, let alone how to spell depeche. she is doing some asking-around-facebook for the song. good fucking luck.
2. I told my dad about the owl city comparison. his response was "yes, they're just like owl city! ONLY GOOD." he then proceeded to sing "personal jesus". I love my dad.
3. I bribed C into doing this post. this whole thing took place from about 9 to about midnight... that should tell you everything
hair chorus derp
update:
4. allegedly c sent the song to ava and ava has done nothing. c surmises she won't even listen to it. well, this solves my problems...
2. I told my dad about the owl city comparison. his response was "yes, they're just like owl city! ONLY GOOD." he then proceeded to sing "personal jesus". I love my dad.
3. I bribed C into doing this post. this whole thing took place from about 9 to about midnight... that should tell you everything
hair chorus derp
update:
4. allegedly c sent the song to ava and ava has done nothing. c surmises she won't even listen to it. well, this solves my problems...
11.8.10
margarita mix, the game of life, dinosaur jr, and no sleep ['til brooklyn]
the drinky-drinky party is over. we have all survived, as expected. also as expected I feel like utter and complete shit, but we'll get to that. oh, and this post will be really long because I didn't sleep and a lot of shit went on.
I brought c to shane's house. the "party" was well underway. and by "well underway", this time I mean "watching forrest gump". and then when forrest gump was over, watching I am sam. ava and her sister arrived 3/4 of the way through forrest gump and were all like "HAS JENNY DIED YET?" they both really hate jenny, apparently.
drinks were made! we were all given a plastic martini glass. I'll take a picture of mine later. [oh, procrastination. so good at this.] we had a good time washing them out every time we wanted a new drink. we went through pitchers of sangria, margaritas, mojitos, strawberry daiquiris [which ava was REALLY enthusiastic about], and pina coladas. c and shane and I ended up playing life at 1 am, and that was when they fed us the mojitos, which was not the greatest decision ever, but we'll get to that.
after I am sam was over, someone brought out guitar hero! oh man. shane regaled us with the tale of how she ended up with two guitars and a microphone and drums, so... long story short, we played a few rounds of guitar hero. we suuuucked. I mostly played bass [since I want to in real life]. I think everyone got to sing a song of their choosing except c, who really wanted dinosaur jr, but no one would put up with the trippy speedups. we were left alone because we were determined to play it. this was a weird situation, seeing as 99% of the time it's like "oh my god, guys, STOP BEING ANTISOCIAL, GET OVER HERE AND TALK TO US ABOUT GLEE!"
then it was 1 am and somehow we were playing the game of life. we being me, shane, and c. everyone else was playing world of warcraft [no, I don't understand either]. oh, that was fun. I won because I cheated. they gave me a mojito, which was apparently really funny to watch.
me: "this isn't another fucking girly drink, is it?"
mary: "no, it's a mojito!"
me: "girly." -takes a sip- "NOT... GIRLY..."
mary: -laughs at my misfortune-
man I don't even know if that minty shit was necessary. at least not at 1 in the morning when I had just won life by selling off my children to shane but collecting the retirement bonuses anyway.
everyone was sent down to shane's room, and everyone except c, mary, and me went into a different room to "contact" things with the ever-present group ouija board. that thing needs to die already. the group I was in instead watched the paid programming channels. infomercials at 2 am are VERY, VERY FUNNY. c kept scrolling through the channels until we found the telenova one!
spanish soap opera + 2 am + us = ???
it featured lots of crying people and an overenthusiastic man. oh dear lord I don't remember much of it but I know it was great. eventually we were told to stfu and everyone migrated back into shane's room. we talked a lot! we vowed to stay up as late as possible [bad idea]. I ventured upstairs several times, because apparently I was the only one not freaked out by the prospect of going up to a very obviously empty [and creepy-looking] kitchen late at night. so I ended up bringing many things downstairs, including but not limited to: 2 bottles of soda, 6 martini glasses, 1 bag of chips, 1 tin of dip, and 1 cat.
that is why I feel like shit. I drank the entire bottle of ginger ale. everyone else had some kind of fruit punch thing, and no one wanted the ginger ale. at 2 am it seemed like a good decision... I mean, I love ginger ale and no one else wanted it. by 7 I was like "uuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhh". yeah, not pleasant.
ava had the fantastic idea that we should all sing songs that were on our ipods! I came up with this. when the whole thing dissipated into a cacophony of six people all singing different songs at once I thought to myself, "depeche mode would be great now." this song is insane at 3 or 4 am or whatever it was. I had c listen to my favorite mode song, and she practically had a seizure over how amazing it was. we were all really, really tired. then ava said, "guys, I have an idea. I'm gonna get my musical education just by listening to you two talking."
shhhhiiiiiiitttttt.
ava is notoriously famous for hating EVERYTHING that isn't ass-rock [c asked me to define ass-rock. here you go: ASSFUCKINGROCK] or jesus-rock or people with "perfect" voices or the latest muse cd [because they were in twilight, see? everything before twilight sucks though!]. it being somewhere between 4:30 and 6 am now, my protecting-my-favorite-songs-from-abuse senses kicked into hyperdrive. she asked what we had been listening to and I reluctantly told her. c explained that it was all synths, and ava asked, "so it's like owl city then?" yeah, that about did it. I was PISSED then. REALLY PISSED. and really tired.
at 6:30, c, ava, and I got up and went outside. the sun had risen and the clouds were all pretty. it was really nice. shortly thereafter I began feeling like shit and curled up into a little ball on the floor and slept for half an hour.
good party. relatively drama-free. hopefully ava can't figure out how to spell depeche.
edit:
also, because shane and mary have short attention spans, they drifted off while ava was talking sometime last night. ava was infuriated by this and began to spout complete nonsense ending in "I'LL JUST KEEP DOING THIS BECAUSE NO ONE'S LISTENING TO ME."
jesus, some people can't handle the pressure.
I brought c to shane's house. the "party" was well underway. and by "well underway", this time I mean "watching forrest gump". and then when forrest gump was over, watching I am sam. ava and her sister arrived 3/4 of the way through forrest gump and were all like "HAS JENNY DIED YET?" they both really hate jenny, apparently.
drinks were made! we were all given a plastic martini glass. I'll take a picture of mine later. [oh, procrastination. so good at this.] we had a good time washing them out every time we wanted a new drink. we went through pitchers of sangria, margaritas, mojitos, strawberry daiquiris [which ava was REALLY enthusiastic about], and pina coladas. c and shane and I ended up playing life at 1 am, and that was when they fed us the mojitos, which was not the greatest decision ever, but we'll get to that.
after I am sam was over, someone brought out guitar hero! oh man. shane regaled us with the tale of how she ended up with two guitars and a microphone and drums, so... long story short, we played a few rounds of guitar hero. we suuuucked. I mostly played bass [since I want to in real life]. I think everyone got to sing a song of their choosing except c, who really wanted dinosaur jr, but no one would put up with the trippy speedups. we were left alone because we were determined to play it. this was a weird situation, seeing as 99% of the time it's like "oh my god, guys, STOP BEING ANTISOCIAL, GET OVER HERE AND TALK TO US ABOUT GLEE!"
then it was 1 am and somehow we were playing the game of life. we being me, shane, and c. everyone else was playing world of warcraft [no, I don't understand either]. oh, that was fun. I won because I cheated. they gave me a mojito, which was apparently really funny to watch.
me: "this isn't another fucking girly drink, is it?"
mary: "no, it's a mojito!"
me: "girly." -takes a sip- "NOT... GIRLY..."
mary: -laughs at my misfortune-
man I don't even know if that minty shit was necessary. at least not at 1 in the morning when I had just won life by selling off my children to shane but collecting the retirement bonuses anyway.
everyone was sent down to shane's room, and everyone except c, mary, and me went into a different room to "contact" things with the ever-present group ouija board. that thing needs to die already. the group I was in instead watched the paid programming channels. infomercials at 2 am are VERY, VERY FUNNY. c kept scrolling through the channels until we found the telenova one!
spanish soap opera + 2 am + us = ???
it featured lots of crying people and an overenthusiastic man. oh dear lord I don't remember much of it but I know it was great. eventually we were told to stfu and everyone migrated back into shane's room. we talked a lot! we vowed to stay up as late as possible [bad idea]. I ventured upstairs several times, because apparently I was the only one not freaked out by the prospect of going up to a very obviously empty [and creepy-looking] kitchen late at night. so I ended up bringing many things downstairs, including but not limited to: 2 bottles of soda, 6 martini glasses, 1 bag of chips, 1 tin of dip, and 1 cat.
that is why I feel like shit. I drank the entire bottle of ginger ale. everyone else had some kind of fruit punch thing, and no one wanted the ginger ale. at 2 am it seemed like a good decision... I mean, I love ginger ale and no one else wanted it. by 7 I was like "uuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhh". yeah, not pleasant.
ava had the fantastic idea that we should all sing songs that were on our ipods! I came up with this. when the whole thing dissipated into a cacophony of six people all singing different songs at once I thought to myself, "depeche mode would be great now." this song is insane at 3 or 4 am or whatever it was. I had c listen to my favorite mode song, and she practically had a seizure over how amazing it was. we were all really, really tired. then ava said, "guys, I have an idea. I'm gonna get my musical education just by listening to you two talking."
shhhhiiiiiiitttttt.
ava is notoriously famous for hating EVERYTHING that isn't ass-rock [c asked me to define ass-rock. here you go: ASSFUCKINGROCK] or jesus-rock or people with "perfect" voices or the latest muse cd [because they were in twilight, see? everything before twilight sucks though!]. it being somewhere between 4:30 and 6 am now, my protecting-my-favorite-songs-from-abuse senses kicked into hyperdrive. she asked what we had been listening to and I reluctantly told her. c explained that it was all synths, and ava asked, "so it's like owl city then?" yeah, that about did it. I was PISSED then. REALLY PISSED. and really tired.
at 6:30, c, ava, and I got up and went outside. the sun had risen and the clouds were all pretty. it was really nice. shortly thereafter I began feeling like shit and curled up into a little ball on the floor and slept for half an hour.
good party. relatively drama-free. hopefully ava can't figure out how to spell depeche.
edit:
also, because shane and mary have short attention spans, they drifted off while ava was talking sometime last night. ava was infuriated by this and began to spout complete nonsense ending in "I'LL JUST KEEP DOING THIS BECAUSE NO ONE'S LISTENING TO ME."
jesus, some people can't handle the pressure.
10.8.10
we're the stooges, our typical song has 11 words, and after an hour and a quarter you want us to leave
"I wanna be your dog" has exactly 23 words in it that are not prepositions or repetitions. oh, iggy. creativity win.
also, the drinky-drinky party is tonight. shane called me at ten o'clock or so and woke me up [I stayed up until 3 in the morning listening to the clash. as I recall I drew a picture to illustrate the smiths' "cemetry gates" too]. I did not answer. I will call her back and we'll see how that goes.
I should probably link to those songs, but I have the radio on right now. I'm not turning it off. I'll edit them in later.
edit:
when I called her she told me to bring a bag of ice and club soda. what...
a dreaded sunny day, so I'll meet you at the cemetry gates
iggy pop is feeling particularly intelligent today
I love that whole first clash album but this song is especially awesome to me at 2 am. have I mentioned I hate my job?
this cemetery needs more trees... well, I was tired.
also, the drinky-drinky party is tonight. shane called me at ten o'clock or so and woke me up [I stayed up until 3 in the morning listening to the clash. as I recall I drew a picture to illustrate the smiths' "cemetry gates" too]. I did not answer. I will call her back and we'll see how that goes.
I should probably link to those songs, but I have the radio on right now. I'm not turning it off. I'll edit them in later.
edit:
when I called her she told me to bring a bag of ice and club soda. what...
a dreaded sunny day, so I'll meet you at the cemetry gates
iggy pop is feeling particularly intelligent today
I love that whole first clash album but this song is especially awesome to me at 2 am. have I mentioned I hate my job?
this cemetery needs more trees... well, I was tired.
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